For Beth
Oh thank you so much to This, That and The Other!
A few years ago, I think not long after September 11, 2001 the U.S. government released its www.ready.gov campaign with a numnber of warnings related to terrorism.
Some time later, America being the awesome country that it is, someone wrote up a great post with a new interpretations of the ambiguous drawings on the site. I saw the post not long after it was released, but forgot where it was online, searched for it, and couldn't find it.
Well, Randy at This, That, and the Other linked to it yesterday and I have to send out my thanks. It is just as funny today as it was years ago.
The original post seems to track back to The Houston Coalition for Justice - Not War
What to do in a Terrorist Attack
The US government has a new website, www.ready.gov. It's another attempt at scare mongering in the style of the old "duck and cover" advice after WWII.
The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean anything! Here are a few interpretations.
If you have set yourself on fire, do not run
If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.
If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder
If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.
Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!
The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one (1) armless hand.
Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the f*** away.
Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.
Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.
If a door is closed, karate chop it open.
If your building collapses, give yourself a b***j** while waiting to be rescued.
Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile
After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.
If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.
If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.
If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.
Austin is radioactive, move to Houston
If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.
If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.
Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.
A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation. Always carry one!
|