Friday, July 30, 2004

An Open Letter to Parents

I’ve just finished eating dinner. It is Friday night, and here I am blogging. I’ll be honest, I don’t mind so much. Some might feel slightly pathetic, but I just miss all of my friends and family a little.



For dinner I had a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich, but it didn’t fill me up as much as I'd hoped. In order to top off my appetite, I had a pimento cheese spread rollover.



When I was a kid my Dad ate things like peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches, cereal, and the like for supper all the time. I haven’t lived with him in years, but I would be willing to bet that he still does it too. He also ate pimento cheese rollovers pretty often.



Like any son, I wanted to try whatever my Dad did, so I made one once. The first time I tried pimento cheese spread, I immediately wished that I had been born without a tongue so that I might have never developed the ability to taste. It was awful. Disgusting. I never wanted to eat it again.



Yet here I am on a Friday night, happily stuffed after a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich that I chased with a pimento cheese spread rollover; both of which I really enjoyed.



Now that I’m writing this, I am also noticing that when I stop to think about the next sentence I want to write, I begin to twirl the hair in my beard as if the answer is caught in there somewhere. I can remember sitting in the living room of the house that my father helped to build (rather than buy) watching an Atlanta Braves baseball game on television , and noticing that he was sitting there the entire time twirling his beard.



Years later I watched him do it again as I helped him build a set of book shelves that I asked for. We reached a point in the building which required a moment to stop in order to rethink our initial plan. While we thought, he twirled and I just sat there because I knew whatever answer he came up with would be the best solution to the problem.



That’s my Dad ladies and gentlemen. There are a number of situations that I would feel no fear of being in, as long as I found myself in them with him. I’ve never met anyone else who is so logical and reasonable when faced with a problem.



Well I say never, but my little brother is exactly the same way. I admire that quality in both of them. No matter what puzzle or question of logic you throw at either of them, they will both sit down and think it over until the answer has been obtained. This is especially true if they can work it out together. I can just picture the two of them sitting there; my Dad twirling his beard and my brother with his tongue jetting out over his lips just slightly, as if his brain would stop working if that tongue were forced back into his mouth.



I think on a certain level we all begin to turn into our parents eventually. I begin to see this pretty clearly tonight and I am glad for it. My Dad has a number of traits that I will be happy to grow into.



There are plenty of his traits that I’m sure I may never grow into, like the need to have the most efficiently drained yard in town after a particularly heavy rain. But I would not mind so much if years from now I find myself sitting down next to my Dad, each of us eating a bowl of cereal with the tiniest drop of milk caught in our beards just beneath the bottom lip. Afterward we might sit out on the porch for hours chewing on unlit Swisher Sweets cigars, talking about the weather and twirling our beards until dawn.

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Thursday, July 29, 2004

A Quick Addendum...

...to yesterday's post regarding time.



Even if I did not have work 40 hours per week and all of the other unpleasant things that we all must do, I know that I would still not have the time for ALL of the things I want to do.



What I would like is to find a way to accomplish more of the good things while learning to not mind the not-so-fun ones.



I'm getting better.

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Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Talking 'bout my generation

Notice: the URL for this blog has been changed. Click here for new URL. Please remember the new address next time you visit! Thank you for reading.



I love the people of my generation. Today’s twentysomething is an extraordinary creature. I have friends that I think are the most interesting people ever. I read other blogs by people my age and I think they are most interesting people ever. What is it that makes all of these people so interesting?



I think it’s the fact that none of us know what the hell we’re doing. I don’t really know anyone who has much of a plan for the future. Most people have some vague idea or notion about who or what they would like to become and what they would like to do later, but nothing solid, concrete.



We all seem to have dreams. We have all been told since we were children that we can be anything we want to be when we grow up, and we still believe it. A lot of us still talk about “when we grow up” as if it’s this far away, distant future that may or may not happen. I know that along the way we will all stumble upon the thing that makes each of us great.



I am so anxious to see what my generation will accomplish. Who will be the star filmmakers, the star athletes, the most brilliant writers, scientists, business men and business women?



A great number of the people I talk to want to open their own businesses rather than work for someone else. This may not be unique to our generation, but the resources and knowledge to do it may be greater now than ever before. There seems to be a strong urge to ignore the status quo and do things the way we want them done.



I think that collectively we have so much potential.

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The Rolling Stones Were Wrong...

...time is not on our side.



I find myself in a struggle these days over sleep. I love to sleep the way that any twentysomething does, but it gets in the damned way. I wish I could learn to just not need sleep.



I am so tired of running out of time to do things. Maybe I have way too many things on my list of stuff to do. Does anyone else have this problem...let me know?



Right now I've got about 50 movies lined up that I want to watch, several books I want to read, about four video games I'm dying to play, countless things I'd like to sit down and write, trips that I want to take, and a wife and friends that I don't see often enough.



With all of those things to do you might think that I would get some of them done, but no...I have to go to work for 40 hours per week, spend time working on a correspondence class that I'm taking (not a cool one either), study for an upcoming professional exam, pay the bills, and run a seemingly endless list of stupid errands.



I hate acting like an adult.



I guess that's it for today. I'm going to sleep now.

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Saturday, July 24, 2004

A Lesson In Decision Making

Everyone, I’m sure has at least one true story that they would rather not have the liberty of telling. The reason for this observation is because in telling certain stories the narrator is forced to re-live a memory that is filled with stopping points that sound like this, “Ok, at this point what I should have done was…” Unfortunately, I’ve got a whopper that falls into this category. The reason that I am re-living this particular memory in print is for your sake, dear reader. My hope is that if ever put in a similar situation, you may glean from this tale the knowledge of what action to take and the proper time to take such action. This is my story.



In college I found myself in the awkward position of having several homes at the same time. Most of my belongings were still at my Mom’s house, as she had storage space and I couldn’t afford a bigger place. My place was a small apartment that I shared with a very close friend, but most of my time was spent at another apartment in the same complex, in the very next building actually. This is where my then fiancĂ©, who is now my wife, lived. Due to the complexity inherent in living in three separate places, I spent a lot of time on the road going to and from one or the other.



One morning I was driving from my mother’s house to my fiancĂ©’s apartment at about 2:00 a.m. I stopped at a traffic light, waiting to take a left onto one of the bigger streets in Lafayette, La, the city I was living in at the time. While waiting for the light to change to green, a large, sweaty and bewildered looking man walked in front of my car to cross the street. He looked to be mid-thirties or early forties, with a receding hairline that resulted in an unusually long forehead ending in an unruly mass of unkempt, curly brown hair. He walked past my car and on down the sidewalk in front of the closed Winn-Dixie supermarket on the corner. I was idly smoking a cigarette and thus had the window of the car rolled down. Once this humble pedestrian was about fifteen feet away from my car, he turned around and walked back, this time toward my car, and more importantly, toward me. With wide, glassy eyes he asks me if he can have a ride to his friend’s house nearby. “I’d drive meself, but I’m kinda drunk and don’t wanna fuck up ma truck,” he said.



This is the first in a number of defining moments throughout the evening in which I could have and should have made a choice that seems clear now, but didn’t strike me at the time. I’m sure that most people, when presented with the opportunity to give a complete stranger, an intoxicated stranger, a ride at 2:00 a.m., would politely decline. I however, did not. My reasoning was that his decision to walk rather than drive while in his current state seemed to be a commendable act deserving a reward of kindness from anyone in a position to help. I was in a position to help and I could only admire his decision not to drink and drive, so I said, “Sure.”



With that we were off, and this is where the story gets interesting and my decision making ability appears to start at bad and take a severe nosedive into just short of crazy.



The man gets into my car and introduces himself as Walter. The light finally changes and so I ask my new companion where his friend lives. He gestures forward and grunts that it isn’t far ahead. I take this as my cue to continue driving and keep conversation to a minimum. After only a few moments of this, I began to wonder if he was ever going to instruct me to “turn right up here,” or “take this next left.” So, finally I ask where I should expect to be going, and he utters the one phrase I did not want to hear: “It’s on the other side of the [train] tracks, take the first right.” This was the moment that I began to get more than a little bit worried about my decision to help this guy out. I’m not sure about your town, but in every town that I’ve lived in, the “other side of the tracks” is no place to be at any time of day, but certainly not after dark and never at 2:00 a.m. Unfortunately, there was no turning back at this point.



After clearing the overpass that spans the train tracks, I took the first right as I was told, and then a left and another right that put us on an unlit street littered with houses every fifty feet or so. After traveling for about a mile on this road Walter tells me to slow down a bit, and I do as I’m told without knowing why. My curiosity is satisfied shortly however by the appearance of two men standing on the front lawn of a nearby house. Apparently, these men are our destination.



Up to this point I am under the impression that I would be dropping off my new found friend and then be on my way. Once again I was wrong.



As we approach the yard, my passenger side window is rolled down and one of the men approaches the car. The two men in the yard are very large African-American men, both wearing dirty blue-jeans and white t-shirts. One is tall and very thin and the other is also tall but unusually over-weight. As the portly fellow approaches the car, I notice that he only has one arm, which does not help my mental attempt to imagine that these men are kind, gentle creatures rather than what they appear to be, which is scary, unkind men hanging around at 2:00am..



Without speaking a word, my associate hands the one armed man a large wad of cash, which he accepts. Then, from beneath his tongue, the amputee spits a small white package into Walter’s hand and walks away from the car.



At this point my heart begins to race with the realization that I am now an accessory to drug-trafficking. Crack cocaine. I have witnessed and aided a crack addict in getting his fix.



Walter instructs me to drive and I do so.



After driving away from the house and the one armed man without incident, I begin to gain my composure a little. I ask Walter where he lives and he gives the name of an apartment complex that is not far away which relieves my worry even further, but not for long.



Because I spend so much time between houses, a great deal of time is spent in the car. This always results in a small pile of trash on the front passenger side floor of my car. I usually empty the trash once a week, and it mostly consists of empty Diet Dr. Pepper cans and empty to-go coffee cups, with the occasional candy wrapper tossed in for good measure. En route to his apartment, Walter picks up one of the Diet Dr. Pepper cans and begins punching small holes on the side of the can. He then opens my car ash tray and sprinkles old cigarette ashes on the holes as if it were magic fairy dust. He then removes a small portion of the contents in the package, places it on the can, lights it with my cigarette lighter, and inhales through the lid of the can.



For the less drug-savvy reader, Walter is now free-basing crack in the passenger seat of my car.



After a few long hits, Walter motions toward me with the can, implying that if I would like some I am welcome. I respectfully decline this offer and turn my attention to the road, wanting only to reach his apartment as quickly as possible. Walter begins to speak to me but I cannot hear his words as my ears are ringing with fear and my entire body is trembling. Not to be outdone, Walter begins to sporadically and involuntarily twitch in his car seat, which freaks me out even more.



Finally we reach Walter’s apartment complex. I park in the spot that I am told is in front of his apartment, and wait for Walter to get out at long last. Of course, he does not get out of the car. For my troubles, Walter would like to give me a little gas money, but his wallet is in the apartment. I tell Walter that there was no trouble at all and money will not be necessary, but he will not hear it and so I agree to go into his apartment with him.



I want only to be rid of Walter and out of this horrifying situation at this point, and so I am playing out the different scenarios of escape in my mind. The most appealing was to allow Walter to step out of the car and quickly throw the car into reverse and jet out of that parking lot as fast as my 1997 Toyota Corolla would carry me. The problem with this scenario is that I don’t know anything about Walter other than the fact that he is addicted to crack. He could be carrying a gun for all I know. He could shoot at me as I speed away, and this was a risk that did not seem worth taking.



And so with that reasoning I make the second poor decision of the evening. I go with Walter into his apartment.



The apartment looks the way that any middle-aged single man’s apartment might. Very cheap furniture aimed at the television, surrounding a small glass-top coffee table. Walter tells me to sit down and I do so, on the love-seat nearest the door. Walter disappears into an adjacent room for a few moments, leaving me alone in the living room.



This is the missed opportunity that bothers me more than any other that night. I should have taken this chance to run out of the front door, run to my car, and make my getaway. Once again I did nothing. Paralyzed by what I can only guess was fear, I sat on Walter’s love seat to await his return.



A few moments after entering the other room, Walter reappeared with five one dollar bills in his hand. He takes a seat on the sofa that is adjacent to my love-seat and tosses the cash on the coffee table. He then picks up the television remote and turns on the tube. After twitching in his seat for a while and flipping through a few channels he turns to me and says, “Grab me a coke from the fridge.” I suppose he was a bit parched after inhaling all of those cigarette ashes while free-basing earlier.



I get up and walk to the kitchen, fully expecting to find a severed head or some other equally disturbing monstrosity waiting for me in the refrigerator when I open it. But there were no heads, only a case of Pepsi and a few condiments. So I grab a Pepsi and walk back to the living room. I hand over the drink and take the opportunity to grab the money and since I was already standing, announced to Walter that I would be going. I made my way to the door without a word from the twitching form on the sofa and hastily escaped to the safety of the outside world. I made my way to my car and back home in a state of utter confusion and disbelief over what had just happened.



The lesson to be learned, if there is one, is that no matter who you are and who you come into contact with, in today’s world no one is in any position to help strangers who seem to need it. I thought that I was doing a very good thing by giving Walter a ride, but wound up being taken advantage of in the worst way possible. Since that incident I have not gone out of my way to help anyone that I don’t know, and I probably never will.

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Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Lindsey and I...

...celebrated our one-year wedding anniversary this weekend. I took some pictures which you may view here.



On Saturday night we stayed in the Honeymoon Suite at the Omni Royal Orleans in the French Quarter. On Sunday we laid low at home because we had a little too much champagne the night before, and on Monday we both took the day off from work in order to spend the day walking around the Quarter. The French Quarter on an early Monday afternoon is quite charming.



It was one of the best weekends in recent memory.

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Thursday, July 15, 2004

Currently reading...





Walden by Henry David Thoreau. 

 

I was flipping through an old English textbook of mine reading a few of my favorite poems, and noticed a few references to Walden. I've always meant to read it, and never got around to it. I find that balancing reading new books and old books gets to be tough sometimes. It seems like there are always new books coming out that I feel compelled to read, but at the same time there are so many classics that I still haven't touched. It pisses me off that I didn't become enthusiastic about reading until much later in life. If I had started when I was a kid I would be miles ahead right now.



This is why I don't understand all of these parents who refuse to allow their kids to read any of the
Harry Potter books. You've got a kid who is ASKING to read books that are upwards of 700 - 800 pages, and you tell them no because you heard that they deal with witch-craft. That has got to be one of the dumbest things I have ever heard. I wish so much that there would have been a series of books (hell, even one book) that I would have wanted to read that badly when I was a kid. If I had fallen in love with reading then, who knows how different things may be for me now.



I promise if I had read
On the Road and Howl when I was 15 rather than when I was 20, things would be a bit different for me today. That's not to say that I would have left my family to jump a train and head to New York or Denver, but the books you read growing up have a big influence on the type of person you turn out to be (I think they do anyway) and had I been exposed to more books in my early years, who knows what would be different.



Of course, I could have become a cult leader and be in an institution by now following that very same logic, so maybe things turned out ok the way that they happened. I'll just have to do lots of catching up now.



Speaking of which, I'm going to wrap this up so that I can get some reading done.

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