Friday, March 09, 2007

A Movie Reviewer After My Heart

The Arizona Star's Phil Villarreal takes bold overstated metaphor to an all new level in his review of "300". Here are a few of my favorite quips:

"The movie "300" is rated R for "RAAAAAR!" and is about as inspirational as "Field of Dreams" multiplied by "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington," plus infinity."

"High school football coaches who show this to their players before games are guaranteed to win 55-0. Should opposing coaches show the DVD to each of their teams before the matchup, a rupture in the space-time continuum will occur and the game will be declared a tie."

"The heroes fight for pride, honor, democracy and the right to leave the toilet seat up."

"The film has a stylized look that matches what would happen if "The Matrix" had hot, dirty sex with "Clash of the Titans.""

"The Spartans are a super-human elite squad of lumberjack pirates who were trained by the the great-great-grandpa of Chuck Norris' paternal ancestor."

Lumberjack pirates....that's just classic.